Confidence is the Willingness to Try

The Creative Goods, Issue No. 2

After a winter of rest, I’m back at my desk and preparing for spring. Today, I give you Issue No. 2 of The Creative Goods, a feminist and justice-based advice column for creators with conundrums, written by me, Jill Margo, in which I respond to “Too Despondent to Write More” on the topic of confidence. This issue, there’s a new feature too: reflection prompts for readers who’d like to dive deeper into the topic for themselves.

But first, as promised, a short shout out about my current offerings for those who may be interested.

Thanks for being here. Enjoy!

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SPRING FOLLOW-THROUGH SESSIONS
Do the work that matters most to you with the support of like-hearted peers

This spring, starting on April 3rd, two groups (Mondays from 6:30pm to 8:30pm PT and Wednesdays from 3:30pm to 5:30pm PT of eight creators will meet via Zoom every couple of weeks for a whole season of accountability, encouragement, and in-it-togetherness. Participants will also get access to a private Facebook group for facilitated weekly check-ins; a custom Seasonal Planner (and other surprise goodies); a one-hour, one-on-one coaching/consultation session; and access to me via weekly office hours. The intake has just begun! Learn more and/or apply now here.

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THE SEAONSAL CREATOR: SPRING
Attuning your creative practice to the energies of the current season

This FREE workshop—one of four—to be held on Zoom on Tuesday, March 21st from 6:30pm to 7:45pm PT, will help you learn to work with the energy of the season in a way that honours your own fluctuating energy levels so that you can pace yourself throughout the year. Includes a PDF workbook of reflection prompts. To learn more and/or reserve your spot, please go here.

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Dear Jill,

I’ll keep this simple: my confidence is in the gutter, which makes me think I have nothing to offer. Why even bother trying to write?

Signed,

Too Despondent to Write More

Dear Too Despondent to Write More,

A couple of years ago, I had a confidence problem that stalled my own writing. I researched the topic of confidence and came across the work of Mel Robbins (she’s great—I just wish she’d acknowledge systemic oppression more, which, in my opinion is one of the problems with traditional self-help). Why try, you say? Because, as Mel says, confidence is simply “the willingness to try.”

The theory here is that by trying—repeatedly (including, at times, failing)—we gain competency, which leads to the feeling of confidence. We may conflate confidence with competency but they’re two separate things that feed each other.

Let’s imagine then that you are willing to try (again). You’re going to pick up your pen or poise your fingers over the keyboard. If you’re anything like I was, I’m guessing that you’re feeling anxious and maybe even a little salty just thinking about having to try. And I bet I know the reason why. Because you’re caught in the trap of thinking that your creativity is a means to an end.

Our capitalist culture is obsessed with productivity. We are conditioned to think about our work in terms of product (not process) and how consumable what we create will be. We think about who will see it and how it’ll measure up against the competition. We worry about whether we have something to offer, but that voice in our head may not even be our own voice. It’s more likely the voice of oppressive systems that makes us feel that we’re somehow not enough—especially if we hold marginalized identities. We can become overwhelmed and defeated even before we’ve begun our work!

Starting from this place is too damn hard. So, the question is, what other, softer places can we start from?

I can tell you what helps me.

First, I deal with negative thoughts. I’ve been doing this amazingly effective practice lately where I close my eyes and ask myself what I’m trying not to feel. So, for example, the answer might be, ‘I’m trying not to feel like there’s no point in writing because my brain feels too foggy, and I don’t think I’ll write anything good or smart enough.’ I then let myself feel that painful feeling for five or so minutes—really letting it have some space. Then I pour love all over it. I put my hand on my heart and say to myself, “I’m listening, I understand why you feel that way, and I’m sorry you’ve been hurting.” Then I ask that painful feeling if it’s willing to take a few steps back. To my surprise, it always does. I then take a few deep, cleansing breaths and open my eyes.

I encourage you to try this, even if it feels weird or corny or stupid. Think of it as a way to hold your own hand.

Once our negative thoughts step back, we can enter our practice without fear or judgement. I like to think of it as lightly entering a garden that needs to be tended.

Another powerful mindset is to think of your creative practice as a form of self-care. Not expressing your creativity makes you suffer, so you must care for yourself and ease your suffering by expressing it. Creativity is part of your humanity. It’s how you nourish your own roots. A wish I have for us is that there is comfort and joy in doing our creative work.

There’s one more thing I want to mention. You don’t have to try all by yourself. In our very individualistic culture, we often forget about community care. Connection and coregulation (nervous systems coming together to help regulate one another) is so potent and is a way for us to lift each other up and remember that we’re all in this big, old, ugly, beautiful world together. Find folks who will co-work with you (in the ADHD community, co-working is often called “body doubling”). I do co-working sessions with folks on Zoom all the time. Typically, each person checks in and says what they’ll be working on. Then everyone turns off their mics, and often their cameras, and gets to work for an allotted time period. At the end of the session, everyone reports on how they’re feeling and how they did. I’ve often done my hardest writing in community like this.

I hope you’re feeling less despondent now.  To riff on something Oscar Wilde once said, I hope that from down there in the gutter you can at least now see the stars. Remember, confidence is the willingness to try. The rest will follow.

Much love & good things,

Jill

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REFLECTION PROMPTS

Want to dig deeper into this issue’s topic in terms of your own creative practice? Make yourself a cuppa and grab a notebook and pen…

• When/why/how did I stop trying?

• What am I trying not to feel?

• How can I pour love over my painful feelings?

• What mindset(s) can help me be willing to try?

• How do I want to enter my creative practice?

• How do I want my creative practice to make me feel?

• What community-based resources can I access or initiate to help me do my creative work?